Phantasmagoria

I saw paradise in her eyes

Eden before the fall

free of snake or thorn

innocence recaptured

through such beauty

 

I stare at her shadow

which slowly overwhelms my soul

any feeble pretence

swept away by truth

 

All too much for one man’s heart

rose of Sharon – lilly of the valley

adorned in jewels

feet of gold

words formless – eluding me…

 

Like that brief silence

in no man’s land

when barrages ceased

before whistles blown

then over the top

to be felled by lead

drowned in mud

 

Ultimate transubstantiation

pitiful cries to God – for Mother

paradise eyes returns

slowly dropping daisies

into my dreams

pulchritudinous – Stendhal syndromatic!

 

My Rosebud – snow globe breaker

I am confused, lost, floating

in a sea of idealistic isolation

clinging only to the

eternal lifebelt of hope….

 

 

© MC Bolton, June 2019

 

 

globe

Acid Rain

Untitled_Artwork

 

What is my reality?

life’s music taking me further away

from what I see – understand

maybe think I know!

I stand amongst

the ruins of civilization

flames all around

time has ceased

forever trapped in this dystopian nightmare

never to die or sleep

 

Yet somehow I have found contentment

peace within myself

accepting my lot

grateful for what I have

not envious of the material rich

their path – never mine

Perhaps once for a time?

 

Acid rain now melting my face

like a waxwork

destroyed by thermite

laughing inwardly

as I become one with the soil

to be moulded again

by God’s hand

into the man

I should have been….

 

© MC Bolton, June 2019

Art © OGCZ 2019

Event: Housing and Land in RBKC

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One week after the second anniversary of the Grenfell Tower atrocity, local residents and campaigners are holding a day of talks, workshops and film screenings about the housing crisis in Kensington & Chelsea.

The event takes place at Kensington Town Hall and will be hosted by Save Earl’s Court Supporters Club; Save Silchester; T.H.I.N.K., Westway 23 and supported by the Radical Housing Network. Below is their summary and here is the link to register for a free ticket: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/housing-and-land-in-rbkc-tickets-62845738295?aff=ebdssbdestsearch

Two miles from Grenfell Tower lie 22 acres of empty land that used to be the Earls Court Exhibition Centre. A venue that brought over £1 billion a year into the economy. Knocked down to make way for a luxury housing development. Public land given to private developers to build for the property speculators on and off-shore in a Borough where public land is constantly under threat from the council and private developers. A development with zero social housing planned whilst families from Grenfell still live in temporary housing. How is a council that has failed to react to the housing crisis going to deal with the climate crisis? All development and buildings now take place in the context of the climate crisis.

This event asks the questions; how did we get into this situation? In the context of the climate crisis and Grenfell how should our land and housing be used? What does our community need?

Sessions Include:

The Attack on Public Housing

Safe Homes

Housing , Land and the Climate Emergency

Community and Co-operative Solutions

Older People Forgotten Victims of the Housing Crisis

Speakers confirmed so far include:

Stuart Hodkinson Academic, author of Save as Houses: Private Greed, Political Negligence and Housing Policy After Grenfell

Phil Murphy. Fire safety expert. Manchester Sustainable Communities

Danielle Majid, Tower Blocks UK

Richard Lees, Just Space

Land Justice Network

Alison Bancroft, Housing Association Residents Action

Joe Delaney

Lizzie Spring, Long term K&C resident who writes and campaigns on whole neighbourhood resident-led approaches to housing

Emma Dent Coad MP

Cllr Linda Wade

Melanie Wolfe

Tony O’ Brien, author: Tackling the housing crisis

Community Matters – Free Music Event for North Kensington

TRAUMA EVENING FLIER_GREENYELLOW

This Saturday evening, as part of the Trauma Matters weekend at the Tabernacle to mark the two year anniversary of the Grenfell Tower fire, WeCoproduce CIC is hosting two hours of soulful sounds & soothing rhythms by female artists.

Saturday 15th June, 7-9pm,

The theatre, upstairs at the Tabernacle.

Free entry for all, no need to book.

The show will be entirely led by a diverse range of brilliant female artists as a nod to the essential rol played by women in the immediate aftermath of the Grenfell fire.

The music will be preceded by a book signing by the renowned speaker, author and trauma expert Dr Gabor Maté at 5pm and the launch of the Writing from the Roots North Kensington EZine at 6pm. Tickets for Gabor Maté’s workshop have sold out, but tickets for day two of Trauma Matters are available, with a limited number of free tickets for North Kensington residents. Please email jane@wecoproduce.com.

Lineup for the Community Matters music event:

The Grime Violinist is a unique artist. Classically trained, she is currently the only violinist in the world dedicated to grime and the first violinist to release her own original grime tracks. The Grime Violinist has worked with artists including Giggs, Lethal Bizzle, Mr Eazi and Lady Leshurr. Her performances have ranged from Glastonbury, Wireless and Boomtown Festivals, to The Royal Albert Hall, Hammersmith Apollo and Roundhouse. TV appearances have included performing on BBC 1, ITV, SBTV and Channel 4 on the Big Narstie Show.

@grimeviolinist / thegrimeviolinist.co.uk

Desta Hailé‘s music is influenced by jazz, reggae, soul & the many places she has called home. She has worked an eclectic range of artists, from Joe Bataan to Zap Mama, and recently opened for Sara Tavares at Jazz Café.

@destahaile / soundcloud.com/destahaile / facebook.com/destamusic

Helen McCookerybook was born and raised in Wylam, Northumberland, Helen was the bass player/singer with Brighton indie band The Chefs and guitarist/singer with Helen and the Horns in the 1980s. Both of were favourites of BBC Radio 1’s John Peel. After a break to raise a family, she returned to the stage as a solo artist with a new set of songs, and since then has toured the UK regularly, releasing four solo albums. She has recorded with artists such as Gina Birch of the Raincoats, Vic Godard, Lester Square, Martin Stephenson, and Arrest! Charlie Tipper, and been played regularly by Gideon Coe on BBC Radio6

mccookerybook.com / helenmccookerybook.bandcamp.com/album/the-sea / facebook.com/Helen-McCookerybook

Ishani is breathing new life into the Trip Hop genre. She has recently been made a BBC Introducing artist by Bobby Friction and is instantly recognisable by her distinctive vocals, and incisive and often challenging lyricism. Brooding, hypnotic and sensual, her songs offer comfort as a shoulder to lean on; a cathartic electronic outpouring of personal relief. “Poetic, magical realism mixed in with Trip Hop” Bobby Friction BBC Asian Network.

ishanimusic.com / @IshaniChakra / 

Kinetic Minds is a two-piece collective from W11. Exploring the relation between feelings and motion through sounds, simple and complex dialogue, Kinetic Minds is a tribute to the edge of our culture in the pop landscape.

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by Tom Charles @tomhcharles

Writings from the Roots – North Kensington Zine

Cover
Art by Toby Laurent Belson

Urban Dandy features in a new Ezine, curated by Toby Laurent Belson. This first edition brings together the words of local writers, campaigners, film makers and artists to reveal the context in which the Grenfell Tower fire took place.

The Zine represents some of the best of the North Kensington community: creativity, diversity, openness, unity and defiance…above all a commitment to life in the face of forces that work against it.

The Zine is an ideal primer for those who want to learn more about this unique area, as well as a timely reminder that the Grenfell Tower atrocity did not occur in a vacuum, but in the context of policy decisions and systemic attitudes towards the population of North Kensington.

As the struggle in North Ken continues, Writings from the Roots will stand as a testament to the enduring spirit of the people of this area who continue to face down injustice and insults from the same forces that were at work long before 14th June 2017.

 

Some words of introduction from Toby Laurent Belson are below. You can open a digital version of the Ezine hereNorth_Kensington_Writings_1 and print copies are available at local libraries (Ladbroke Grove & Kensal), the Venture Centre, Acklam Village, Henry Dickens Community Centre and the Taberncale, where there will be an official launch on Saturday 15th June at 6pm.

Over to Toby:

“It has been produced to respond to a couple of specific things:

1 An acknowledgement that the strong online presence and platforms of our grassroots activities are not always matched by offline efforts (albeit for good reason given the next level of resource and commitment some of these outcomes require).

2 To make clear that there are strong and established networks in this community. Just as in the 60s and 70s, where the People’s Association and their centres acted as a gathering space for a multitude of autonomous groups or All Saints Road was a space of Black communiity resistance. Things are connected.

3 To publish a piece that (amongst others) will act as a marker. Having done various research over the years, the value of published works and outstanding ephemera has become clear. And the need for communities and individuals to produce their own stories and present their own narratives has also become clear. We need more books, more zines, more leaflets, more posters, more songs, more films, more artworks, more exhibitions, more talks, more libraries and more archives. We have the skills in and around the community to do it all.

This is a further development of the ‘North Kensington Healing’ artwork produced for the ‘Shifaa (Healing)’ edition of the Khidr Collective zine released in January 2018.

https://www.khidrcollective.co.uk/product-page/khidr-collective-zine-issue-two-shifaa

In continuing to explore the nature of this part of my home, West London, roots are discovered that go further out and further down with an endless diversity of trunks, branches, blossoms and leaves that make more and more sense. It’s amazing and I encourage everyone to keep on contributing and cultivating to this healing, this culture, this freedom.”

 

Hillsborough & Grenfell – Proximity & Pain

Warning: Some of the content of this article may be upsetting to people. This is a personal exploration of the impact of two major events in English history: the 1989 Hillsborough disaster and the 2017 Grenfell Tower fire.

 

 

Hillsborough and Grenfell are two names that will forever be associated with disaster, atrocity and horrific, needless loss of life in England. In both cases, the victims were abused and dishonoured by the British establishment including the government, police and media. Following Hillsborough, the establishment abusers included Margaret Thatcher’s government, South Yorkshire Police and The Sun newspaper; after Grenfell, it has included the government (local and national), the London Review of Books and the Kensington and Chelsea Tenant Management Organisation.

In both cases, the abuse appeared reflexive, a perverse survival instinct on the part of these establishment pillars. Lies, cover-up and dehumanisation over Hillsborough; it is a similar situation regarding Grenfell. Human vulnerability and mortality are met by a system that wants to survive.

Hillsborough

I reflected on the Hillsborough disaster through my own eyes, those of a 10-year-old child on April 15th, 1989. Hillsborough being possibly my favourite place on earth at that time, somewhere I had been going for years and that had captured my imagination with its noise and camaraderie, a place of fun, release and excitement, all the drama of football. It was edgy but safe.

On that day my team wasn’t playing as it was being used as a neutral venue for the Liverpool v Forest FA cup semi-final. The way football fans were treated in those days – penned in, pushed around – was indicative of the attitude of the authorities to the majority of the population, especially in restless industrial areas like Sheffield. And Liverpool.

The news coming in over the radio, then the pictures on TV, my family talking about it, then all the talk at school on the Monday morning, then visiting the stadium to pay our respects on the Tuesday all caused confusion in my young mind. Those children that died were the same as me, I realised that immediately. The sense of injustice that pervaded Sheffield in the 1980s suddenly became bigger – it was no longer just a sense; it was 96 innocent lives.

I moved on, as you do when you’re 10, but I remained profoundly affected.

Grenfell

Twenty-eight years on, I saw what was once the tower block next to my flat burn. I had lived on a so-called ‘finger block’ underneath Grenfell Tower until 2014. On June 14th, 2017, I saw my view, my estate and my neighbours engulfed. The same palpable feel in the air as when I visited Leppings Lane in 1989. Of course, there is sadness, but there is also much more.

Unlike Hillsborough, there has been very little relief from the trauma. It is only now, after two years, that I can start to think that I have moved on. I live in North Kensington and Grenfell permeates everything here. Working in the third sector, having to deal with Kensington and Chelsea council and having a personal commitment to honouring the victims have all added to the ongoing presence of Grenfell in my mind.

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Media Lens

In both cases, I find it very difficult to accept hearing about them through a media filter, sanitised and commodified, adjusted to fit into a ‘news agenda’ or presented rationally as part of the ‘news cycle’. On top of the media gloss, I find it offensive that people try to worm away from justice in the face of death, scorning the sanctity of life. Thatcher, South Yorkshire Police, The Sun, RBKC, KCTMO and the rest…

Thinking about my reaction brings to mind the American Professor Norman Finkelstein describing his mother’s hysterical reaction to seeing coverage of the Vietnam war on television. She saw that human life is sacred and should not be presented in this dry, ‘rational’ way. She had experienced the Nazi holocaust and so the reduction of human suffering to a news item, or even entertainment was beyond her capacity to deal with.

My brain might be similar. Any approach to these disasters that omits emotion is impossible for me to passively consume. When the Hillsborough atrocity has been in the media, I have become tense and uptight, then I feel rage swell up. I then have to switch off. It is the same with the Grenfell Tower.

Where does this rage come from? How much of it is healthy, rational and necessary? How much is something else?

The rage is real and fully alive. It makes my mind work in a different way and my calm demeanour is gone, overpowered. I live in the space between the two extremes of raw pain and peace. I do not want to suppress what needs to come out, to manifest and find expression.

And so, I am left with this class-based rage. I do not want it, it is not freedom, but it may be a healthy thing to learn to express and fathom.

The writer and activist Audre Lorde talked of anger’s utility as a pathway to change: “We have to learn to orchestrate these furies so that they do not tear us apart.” Many in North Kensington could take heed, especially us men.

If this article is crossing the narrow lines of self-indulgence or self-pity, I hope it might also serve to encourage a few men to accept or examine their own trauma. Like many people in North Kensington, I tell myself I haven’t really suffered, there are hundreds and probably thousands of people worse off than me within a mile. The victims’ families and close friends, my old neighbours on the Lancaster West estate, the fire fighters, young local children and the elderly.

In North Ken, I see men with the stiff upper lip and I see the rage coming out sideways, and of course I see that I am maybe better off – at least geographically, I’m slightly removed from Grenfell, and I am learning ways to understand and express my trauma; I can even help people a little bit. But trauma isn’t a relative thing. The fact that others have suffered more doesn’t make my pain easier to bear for me.

To express pain and anger is to express life itself. It is a necessary process.

 

by Tom Charles @tomhcharles

The Trauma Matters weekend is on at the Tabernacle, Notting Hill, 15th-16th June, for more info and free tickets for North Ken residents, click here.

North Kensington – Trauma Matters

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“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”

 

As people in west London prepare for the second anniversary of the Grenfell Tower fire, many continue to suffer the after-effects of the June 14th 2017 atrocity. Much has happened since that date to compound the community’s suffering and symptoms of trauma are evident across North Kensington. A new approach is needed in response to the limited, flawed and sometimes counter-productive trauma relief efforts so far. North Kensington is an appropriate place for some fresh thinking on trauma: how it manifests; how people and communities deal with it and the possibilities available if we are open to braver, better solutions.

The Brain and Trauma

Trauma can manifest in people who aren’t perceived to be unwell enough to be formally diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or hospitalised. The traumatised person might not recognise that they are suffering, but the part of the brain that is devoted to our survival – the sympathetic nervous system – may have kicked in. This is described in simple terms as fight, flight, freeze – although responses differ in everybody. The result is a stream of experiences that are defined as trauma. Dr Gabor Maté, the renowned speaker, author and trauma expert, identifies disconnection from ourselves as the essence of trauma: “trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”

Some typical symptoms include:

  • Stress hormones are produced
  • Unpleasant emotions can arise
  • There can be uncomfortable physical sensations
  • The person might become impulsive and aggressive
  • It might become difficult for the person to filter the relevant from the irrelevant
  • The traumatised person may feel less alive and less present

The impact of a single disaster trauma event can be large scale, shaping histories and whole cultures. The impact can also be felt on a smaller scale, affecting individuals’ minds, emotions, capacity for joy and physical health. The large-scale societal impact is dictated by the preponderance of trauma in a population. It follows that the ability of a society or culture to move on from trauma is dictated by the ability of the individuals within the population to recover.

Yet trauma doesn’t only manifest following big one-off, life changing events; it can be caused by a series of smaller continuous events, such as adverse childhood experiences, racism, poverty, bereavement or illness. The link between all of these is that they trigger the same physiological responses. However, those who have already been impacted by lifelong experiences of continuous trauma can have less resilience when big events occur.  

Traumatic events are, by their very nature, unbearable for humans, overwhelming their ability to cope. As people cannot tolerate the sensation, they instinctively push it away and try to move on in life. For some their experiences cause them to automatically dissociate – or disconnect – from what they are feeling or thinking as part of a survival mechanism. This coping mechanism leaves people unable to move on because they are not able to process the original experience and the energy charge generated from the experience becomes trapped in the physical body, potentially leading to other long-term health care conditions.

This effectively means that the traumatising experience is not over and triggers that cause the person to dissociate can come in many forms – sight, smell, sound, overwhelming situations, shock, anger etc. – and happen without warning. Existing mental health conditions and addictions often deteriorate in these circumstances and new addictions can emerge as ways to proactively disengage from reality or to numb from pain.

Vicarious Trauma

PTSD is widespread in North Kensington, estimated to be in the thousands. The trauma has been exacerbated by the prevailing sense of injustice, as if a whole community is paused, waiting for an appropriate response from those with the power to provide one. Vicarious trauma is also rife, with many people stretching themselves to support those affected by the fire. Vicarious trauma, not to be confused with exhaustion or compassion fatigue, is a rational response to the process of prolonged empathic engagement with traumatised people. It is impossible for people suffering from vicarious trauma to be effective in helping others while their own needs and feelings are bypassed.

Additionally for many, the thought of being judged as weak, vulnerable or unable to cope can trigger feelings of shame that add to the anguish of trauma. For many of us in North Kensington, there are people worse off than ourselves: bereaved; survivors; friends; witnesses. In this situation, there is a sense of guilt among some of those who have been less directly affected.

Response

In response to the 2017 fire, the NHS offers trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It also offers a link to a Kensington and Chelsea council (RBKC) flyer for other services including art therapy, youth clubs, a local charity and the Chickenshed theatre company. The offer is very limited, with figures revealing that hundreds of affected people stopped attending their therapy sessions in the year after the atrocity. The promotion of RBKC services by the NHS is problematic for obvious reasons.

One resident of Lancaster West (the estate where Grenfell Tower stands) engaged in talk therapy at St Charles’ Hospital, but told us that many people won’t go there as it is “too clinical” and “alien to people’s cultures,” especially elders and the young. She managed two sessions there but experienced it as overwhelming and switched to a service at an alternative, culturally-appropriate venue. There, she engaged in talk therapy, which was followed by qigong sessions. But when the funding was cut for that service, no replacement was offered.

On RBKC, North Kensington Law Centre issued a report stating that: “The Council’s interaction with residents in the period after the fire had the capacity to alleviate some of the trauma of survivors, but instead too often only exacerbated it…residents’ trauma has been unnecessarily exacerbated as they wait for what are often relatively simple or trivial matters to be resolved”.

One particular criticism was of the council’s “tick-box” approach: “Too often…Grenfell-affected residents have been treated with a business-as-usual attitude. A tick box approach to assessing needs in these exceptional circumstances will not result in a proper understanding of those needs”.

In a culture that is already trauma-ignorant, RBKC’s at times clumsy, at times callous approach, has not been good enough. 

What could be done?

It is important to honour the strength and courage of survivors, to nurture optimism. It is also important to know that people can overcome the symptoms of trauma; humans are very resilient and wired to survive. Studying communities that have been impacted by a single disaster suggests that 9 out of 10 people will learn and grow. People can recover to live hopeful and meaningful lives despite terrible experiences.

Dr Gabor Maté notes: “The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves. Trauma is not terrible things that happen from the other side—those are traumatic. But the trauma is that very separation from the body and emotions. So, the real question is, ‘How did we get separated and how do we reconnect?’

Trauma-informed

For this reason, a Trauma-informed approach to local residents is crucial, and this should not be limited to the medication and short-term therapy on offer currently. Trauma symptoms can be managed through medication but recalling what has happened or expressing emotions is not enough. Contemporary thinking says that the key is to change the physiology of the body and switch the overactive part of the brain off. By learning self-regulation, the person can begin to master the part of the brain that has switched on overactive reflexes and learn to switch them off. In other words, while trauma can manifest as the disconnection of the person from the body and the present moment; healing comes from reconnecting to both.

It is necessary to see trauma recovery as an ongoing act of self-care and self-love. An event hosted by We Coproduce CIC to coincide with the Grenfell anniversary explores the latest thinking about trauma. It seeks to help people understand how the experience of trauma manifests in the physical body, how the brain responds to being overwhelmed and what can be done about it. Day One sees Dr Gabor Maté discuss his views on all types of trauma in a day-long workshop. Day Two has salon-style discussions and embodied practice workshops to explore various tools for self-care and managing the nervous system.

Self-care was described by the iconic American writer and activist Audre Lorde as “an act of political warfare” – as we mark the second anniversary of the Grenfell Tower atrocity and honour those who were so needlessly lost, perhaps one of the most proactive and powerful things that residents of North Kensington can do is to understand their own trauma and learn ways to care for themselves in order to survive and even thrive in the face of an ongoing injustice.

 

By Tom Charles and Jane McGrath

@tomhcharles

@wecoproduce

Trauma Matters, hosted by We Coproduce CIC, takes place at the Tabernacle on the weekend of 15th-16th June.

We have a limited number of free tickets to give away to North Kensington residents for day two. To request a ticket please email jane@wecoproduce.com

The authors of this article are not trauma experts and those suffering with trauma should consider seeking professional help. We wholeheartedly recommend the talks of Dr Maté, easily found on YouTube, as well as the books ‘Waking the Tiger’ by Peter Levine ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel van der Kolk.

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We Coproduce CIC

Wecoproduce.com is a social consultancy owned and run by local people in West London to give local people an equal voice. We start from the position that in the 21st century our health and social care systems are flawed and need to be radically reimagined. To achieve this, we created a disruptive consultancy – ‘We Coproduce.’  We are commissioned to work with our communities to coproduce better and braver solutions to health and social care challenges – and we invest all of our profits into building resilient communities. Our national network of collaborators use authentic coproduction and radical disruptive innovation techniques to challenge systems that are not working. To do this effectively we use the arts, interactive technology and social media to facilitate democratic spaces for local people to collectively reimagine local health and social care outcomes.

We remain a small Community Interest Company.

Dr Gabor Mate

Dr. Maté has received the Hubert Evans Prize for Literary Non-Fiction; an Honorary Degree (Law) from the University of Northern British Columbia; an Outstanding Alumnus Award from Simon Fraser University; and the 2012 Martin Luther King Humanitarian Award from Mothers Against Teen Violence. For his ground-breaking medical work and writing he has been awarded the Order of Canada, his country’s highest civilian distinction, and the Civic Merit Award from his hometown, Vancouver.

Dr. Maté is the author of several best-selling books:

Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Disorder;

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress;

Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers and

In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction.

For more information on these titles, plus articles, speaking dates and links to videos go to his website: drgabormate.com. Many of his talks and interviews are also available for free on his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA