I cannot describe my feelings and emotions anymore
constantly twisting turning, a psychedelic Rubiks cube
only balanced when my daughter calls me
being a father, a dad pulls me back into the battle – into line
Something real to cling to
Giving me hope, a reason to keep going…
Not that I just live for my children
but they say they’re the last faces you see before you die!
Wandering alone through this dry arid wasteland
A home fit only for demons and jackals
I feel as if I am being prepared for eternity
the poetry has gone from my soul
this spiritual nomad who may be insane
Will I ever write verse again?
Maybe the gift has left me?
Blown away like tumbleweed…
‘Dust in the Wind’ by Kansas a fitting soundtrack to this movie
in which I play the lead…
Boxed in, unable to manoeuvre or gain an advantage
Caged like a dancing bear…
Snatching precious moments with Indiana*…
Looking in the mirror – I’m getting a tan!
Yet this is no holiday…
Do I truly know myself?
Or am I deluded? No! Not me, NEVER!
I’ve done too much work on myself!
But the doubts creep in like bog mist.
Passions burn inside-Tormenting-Tempting-Dividing
Am I Going mad?
Where’s my faith? Where’s my God in this?
Has it all been for nothing?
Through this meltdown eventually, I find peace
Re-booting my being-settling my Spirit once more
I love my life with all its problems-idiosyncrasies
I truly love my children – Yeah, you know what?
It’s going to be alright, everything’s going to be alright……………..
M C Bolton April 2020
* Indiana is my youngest child, aged 14