She was a dynamic one and was blessed with good looks – red hair, blue eyes, delicate Celtic complexion, a natural glamour. Her looks didn’t so much belie her years as make her years irrelevant.  In her presence he experienced a timeless quality; not just because he was fascinated by her physical beauty, but also due to her intensity – sharp, always thinking, quick-witted, and unpredictable.

He experienced this timeless time with her like a holiday, a break from work, worry; his life had grown dull, humdrum, and routine, constant movement and performance required just to stand still. He could breathe in her presence, and even though she emitted an anxious energy, she was also fully alive, and time with her was always a welcome respite.

Despite giving him a taste of the timeless, she puzzled over his affection for her. Wasn’t she haughty, difficult? Didn’t she put people’s backs up and never quite fit in?

Life had once been easier for her – business success, space, excitement – but times had changed and when things got really rough, like all human beings do, she found ways to cope, to survive.

This could mean retreat, surrender and a ghostly existence. But not for her, her spirit had to prevail, to transcend all the material and emotional hardships. The organism functioned as a shield for her spirit, taking the blows during arduous times, persisting with finding meaning, carving out space for creativity, innovation, reaching others…she found ways to express love.

Emotional, familial, financial challenges piled up. In a milieu of trauma, she took on more, at times with an air of desperation; her spirit demanded so much of her.

She seemed permanently on the edge of collapse, wearied, beaten down. Exasperated by the small-time hyper-localised network she found herself in. But there were always lightning flashes – humour, anger, ideas, love…

As for him, the pattern was not too different. He felt the inertia, but some invisible anchor kept him from moving on. So he fought the fights he found himself in, and there was plenty to fight against.

Dug in, years passed and he gained some space and some wisdom, perhaps more than she had been able to gain in her circumstances.

Their paths crossed; he didn’t get her wild style, alternating between antagonistic and passionate. But to him, she stood out.

Eventually there was reason (excuse) to strike up contact, work together a little, be associates. And then there was nothing stopping them becoming friends, because a word from her could make his day, interrupting the boredom, the drudgery of the everyday and the pain of loneliness. And to her he represented possibilities, a younger man but still experienced, with a perspective.

He was in touch with his spirituality, his vulnerability, or at least he knew the value of these things and he knew they were universal.

Craving comfort and connection but without that ruthless immediacy that might have seen him get those things secured as a basis for other adventures, he took a more organic approach. The upshot was he didn’t experience the joy of delicate and exquisite connections too often; he hadn’t yet realised he deserved it.

Instead, his focus, like hers, was the survival of the spirit. This came above all else. Having overcome so much, he took on new challenges to prove that his spirit was strong – that was his way of expressing faith in life.

Perhaps he saw her as another challenge, but mainly he saw her as an Earth Mother, comedian, glamorous breath of fresh air. Before long it became torturous to be near her but not yet be able to kiss her.

He wanted connection, not just with her, but to satisfy a deep yearning – some powerful energy he experienced as emanating from her put connection within tantalising reach.

He knew her pain, whether from her telling him or from drawing obvious conclusions from her circumstances. And likewise, she knew him. Both knew the other lived with a set of challenges that required attention, skill and steadfastness. This kind of life can become a lifestyle. A busy mind, a nervous system on permanent alert, dogma, repetition, self-sufficiency for two unwitting rugged individuals. Not an idyllic setting to manifest the cosmic connection that was brewing nicely, a subtle force indifferent to the day-to-day challenges of its twin hosts.

When you’ve grown used to hate and pain, you find comfort in the predictably harsh rhythms of their voices, yet the soft whisper remains present.

They met recently on Uxbridge Road as the cool Autumn air reminded them of the harsher months ahead. On a level not usually acknowledged amid our daily affairs, both sensed possibility and an important deeper connection, some glimpse of a finer, gentler reality. They chatted for an hour, catching up on their news and views, and said they’d have to do it again soon.

Going their separate ways, he checked his phone – email, text, Twitter, YouTube – before catching himself, putting the device away and walking slowly home while allowing his being and mind to be accompanied by the soothing vibration of her femininity, which to him was just as real as if she had been there with him.

She flew straight back into work mode – calls, meetings, getting things moving, getting people up-to-speed in her breathless, charismatic way.

That night she texted him to say she’d enjoyed seeing him.

He knew that what she meant was she felt love.

She knew he knew that.  

 

by Tom Charles @tomhcharles @urbandandyldn